MY MOM JUST TOLD ME TO CREMATE HER AND PUT HER ASHES IN AN HOUR GLASS SO THAT EVEN AFTER SHE’S DEAD AND GONE SHE CAN CONTINUE TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIME I’M WASTING.
is ur music ever so loud u feel like ur suffocating
update: i was having an asthma attack
i’m done complaining
Hotel showers are really weird because they can range anywhere from “gently peeing on you” to “I fear for the safety of my nipples”
this changes everything oh my god
do you understand why it trips me out that people can drive 45 minutes and be in aNOTHER COUNTRY?
I drive for 45 minutes and im like
a city over
I live in “Italy” and took a day trip to go to “Austria” and “Germany”
Chums, that’s sweet, and all, but Australia just ate Texas for breakfast.
If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you aren’t a city over, you’re just 45 minutes away from the city.
If you drive for 45 minutes in Australia you may not even leave the cattle station.
If you drive for 45 minutes in Canada you may not even leave your driveway.
If I drive 45 minutes in the us I’m just at another mcdonalds
If I drive for 45 minutes in Northern Ireland I’m 10 minutes into the sea.
I can’t drive.
this post turned out really weird
when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors
as a girl, I can confirm this is 100% true
Brice Bischoff used a long exposure to photograph dances with large sheets of colored paper in the series Bronson Caves.
The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.
Jizz and jet
shoot and scoot
blow your load and hit the road
will you marry me = a marriage proposal
will, you, Mary, me = a foursome proposal
Will you, Mary me = Cavewoman Mary helps Will recover from his Amnesia
Will, you marry me. = Will’s time-traveling partner
And people keep trying to tell me that punctuation isn’t important